Posted On June 16, 2020
I commit puns. Bad puns. All too frequently, often in the control room at work. It was suggested I write them down instead of speaking them. You won’t feel like groaning, you’ll feel like punching. hard.
I think these are all original – please correct me if I’m mistaken. Here’s the collection so far:
- If a hurricane hits a flock of sheep, is that making lambfall?
- John Deere good, Dear John bad.
- When there is a rain puddle, or snow on the ground… is that postcipitation?
- Minneapolis & St Paul — not the Twin Cities, just Maxiopolis.
- Mesoscale — a device used to weigh a mess o’ stuff.
- Bison — a male child who goes both ways.
- Lollygagging — what happens when one gets a sucking candy–on–a–stick stick in one’s throat
- Is “heart wrenching” “heart spannering” in Great Britain?
- Watch out especially for tapeworms from Great Britain — Scotch Tapeworms are particularly sticky.
- If Kohler, American Standard, Moen, and/or Sloan engaged in athletic competition, would that be the Toilet Bowl? (football)
- If Sioux Falls, she probably has a balance problem.
- Drivers who go around barriers should be charged with DUW: Driving Under Water.
- New Years Eve: Why is this night different from all other nights? On All other nights, saying “I dropped the ball” is owning up to a mistake, while tonight it’s kvelling about a high honor!
- Potholes (noun): people who become obnoxious after use of cannabis products.
- One noia is likely okay, but watch out — they usually come as a pairs.
- Cathedral repair is the same as breathing because they’re both re-spire-ation.
- The Saar Chasm – a long gap in the land of contempt. (Or perhaps it’s the fissure in the ground where the Saar family’s covered wagon fell into oblivion?)
- Sneeze and damage your eardrum? That’s achoo-puncture.
- Red Bull: Soviet Disinformation.
- Mushers excel at two things: operating dog sleds and making terrible hot cereal.
- Mushroom: the space between dog sleds.
- Only girls commit shenanigans. Boys commit henanigins.
- “I” is singular and “us” is plural, so why is alumni plural and alumnus singular?
- Hummingbirds used to visit my yard, but then I taught them the words.
And as for the category “Fun,” well I think it’s appropriate.